Lamlamnil is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, wise crab.

Lamlamnil created the Small Magellanic Cloud eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lamlamnil, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Lamlamnil, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Lamlamnil's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Lamlamnil's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never feed bananas to doves while wearing skirts.

4. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate foxes.