Femstanvig is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, vain bat.

Femstanvig created snails four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Femstanvig, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Femstanvig, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Femstanvig's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Femstanvig's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Monkeys are not to be trusted.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Run away if six birds approach from the west.