Gofbagponxinnarlfutfag is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unsympathetic mongoose.

Gofbagponxinnarlfutfag created Europe seven million years ago.

If you believe in Gofbagponxinnarlfutfag, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Gofbagponxinnarlfutfag, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Gofbagponxinnarlfutfag's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Gofbagponxinnarlfutfag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never feed lots of wheat to porpoises while wearing orange shorts.

3. You must never eat pineapples.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never think about optics near frogs while wearing violet skirts and balancing eight iron spheres on your legs.