Jopmaptetti is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, idiotic deer.

Jopmaptetti created Mount Everest five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jopmaptetti, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jopmaptetti, it will torture you forever.

Jopmaptetti's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Jopmaptetti's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if seven horses approach from the west.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never eat bread.

4. Never write about stars.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.