Damhapmap is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, idiotic turtle.

Damhapmap created the Whirlpool Galaxy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Damhapmap, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Damhapmap, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Damhapmap's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Damhapmap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never talk about dark matter near cats while wearing purple trousers.

3. Capybaras are not to be trusted.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Damhapmap.

5. Never feed figs to ants while wearing cyan dresses.