Zakablarn is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, wise cow.

Zakablarn created viruses six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zakablarn, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Zakablarn, she will turn you into a puffin.

Zakablarn's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Zakablarn's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine seals approach from the west.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never talk about dwarf planets.

5. Erect four aluminium sculptures of Zakablarn on top of important buildings.