Gomjenfad Spagquafflapkop is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, egotistical bee.

Gomjenfad Spagquafflapkop created the world five million years ago.

If you believe in Gomjenfad Spagquafflapkop, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gomjenfad Spagquafflapkop, it will turn you into a puffin.

Gomjenfad Spagquafflapkop's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Gomjenfad Spagquafflapkop's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if eight tapirs approach from the north.

2. Do not wear cyan clothing.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

5. Always stare at clouds.