Gamortmet is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, omniscient bat.

Gamortmet created Europe three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gamortmet, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gamortmet, it will send you a sign.

Gamortmet's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Gamortmet's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your chest red.

2. Never bounce in holy places.

3. Always make sure there are no birds in a room before entering it.

4. Never talk about quantum gravity near grasshopers while wearing white shirts.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.