Titvencem is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, weak pig.

Titvencem created humanity twelve years ago.

If you believe in Titvencem, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Titvencem, it will have a low opinion of you.

Titvencem's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Titvencem's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Worship no other gods but Titvencem.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not hurt badgers.

5. Never wear yellow skirts.