Rowgigpark is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, ill-tempered lobster.

Rowgigpark created an up quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Rowgigpark, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Rowgigpark, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Rowgigpark's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Rowgigpark's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Rowgigpark.

2. Never think about dark energy near porpoises while wearing turquoise skirts and balancing five nickel spheres on your hands.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always help dogs.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force.