Quartbestloop is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, tiresome raven.

Quartbestloop created the planet Venus four billion years ago.

If you believe in Quartbestloop, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Quartbestloop, she will send you a sign.

Quartbestloop's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Quartbestloop's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant violet sculpture of Quartbestloop in the centre of the settlement.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Quartbestloop.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.