Jopzaggut is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, staggering walrus.

Jopzaggut created a strange quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Jopzaggut, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jopzaggut, he will turn you into a sheep.

Jopzaggut's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Jopzaggut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never talk about gulls.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Jopzaggut.

5. Never paint your neck purple.