Futpitbop is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, merciful mouse.

Futpitbop created matter three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futpitbop, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Futpitbop, she will not care at all.

Futpitbop's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Futpitbop's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate snails.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Always make sure there are no rats in a building before entering it.

5. Never mention squirrels.