Lammetfat is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, tiresome bat.

Lammetfat created parasitic wasps four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lammetfat, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lammetfat, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Lammetfat's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Lammetfat's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never think ill of sick monkeys.

4. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place in black.

5. Always help manatees in need.