Jablimflap is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, emotional badger.

Jablimflap created viruses seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jablimflap, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Jablimflap, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jablimflap's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Jablimflap's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat gulls with great respect.

2. Never write about solid mechanics.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never think about stars.

5. Badgers are not to be trusted.