Gofflamfeb is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, uncaring crocodile.

Gofflamfeb created bats four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gofflamfeb, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gofflamfeb, she will turn you into a rat.

Gofflamfeb's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Gofflamfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Always help sick nematodes.

3. Do not shave your feet.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Never talk about stars.