Habtomvonxucbif is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, dishonourable fairy.

Habtomvonxucbif created a bottom quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Habtomvonxucbif, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Habtomvonxucbif, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Habtomvonxucbif's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Habtomvonxucbif's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never feed onions to doves while wearing turquoise corsets.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never write about optics.

5. Always make sure there are no shrews in a building before entering it.