Wiptitrakstaf is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, fussy jaguar.

Wiptitrakstaf created the Cigar Galaxy five million years ago.

If you believe in Wiptitrakstaf, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Wiptitrakstaf, she will not invite you to parties.

Wiptitrakstaf's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Wiptitrakstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about special relativity near doves while wearing green hats and balancing six platinum spheres on your back.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.