Tintettiyartmap is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, flying gnu.

Tintettiyartmap created parasitic wasps nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tintettiyartmap, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Tintettiyartmap, it will make you grow a tail.

Tintettiyartmap's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Tintettiyartmap's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tintettiyartmap.

2. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Tintettiyartmap in the centre of the settlement.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never paint your chest mauve.

5. Do not eat bananas.