Higyokvig is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, emotional dog.

Higyokvig created dark energy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Higyokvig, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Higyokvig, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Higyokvig's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Higyokvig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum mechanics near seals while wearing indigo hats and balancing eight zinc spheres on your neck.

2. Do not eat apples.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never write about thermodynamics.

5. Do not shave your face.