Bemsinlab is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, able fish.

Bemsinlab created a top quark four years ago.

If you believe in Bemsinlab, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Bemsinlab, he will turn you into a frog.

Bemsinlab's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Bemsinlab's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bemsinlab.