Lakhugjen is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, blissful whale.

Lakhugjen created the cosmos six million years ago.

If you believe in Lakhugjen, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Lakhugjen, she will send minions to preach to you.

Lakhugjen's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Lakhugjen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics near aardvarks while wearing magenta hats and balancing four nickel spheres on your face.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lakhugjen.

3. You must love Lakhugjen.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.