Cabnuttbum is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, compassionate human.

Cabnuttbum created the planet Earth nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Cabnuttbum, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Cabnuttbum, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Cabnuttbum's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Cabnuttbum's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about black holes.

2. Do not shave your face.

3. Always help sick snails.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.