Nurlpakmil is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, flying owl.

Nurlpakmil created the universe two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlpakmil, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Nurlpakmil, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Nurlpakmil's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Nurlpakmil's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Do not chant in public.