Kipbessfod is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, happy whale.

Kipbessfod created everything that exists four million years ago.

If you believe in Kipbessfod, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kipbessfod, it will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Kipbessfod's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Kipbessfod's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your neck blue.

2. Put Kipbessfod first in all things.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never go into magenta rooms.