Hakcetmap is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, duplicitous giraffe.

Hakcetmap created viruses two billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakcetmap, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Hakcetmap, he will turn you into a puffin.

Hakcetmap's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Hakcetmap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Feed all hungry mice.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never wear hats.