Kimwiptonk is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, competent finch.

Kimwiptonk created time and space two billion years ago.

If you believe in Kimwiptonk, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kimwiptonk, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Kimwiptonk's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Kimwiptonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never talk about dark matter near mice while wearing blue kilts and balancing eight gold spheres on your feet.

5. Never hop in the presence of geese.