Farlamkin is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, emotional parrot.

Farlamkin created Europe three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Farlamkin, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Farlamkin, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Farlamkin's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Farlamkin's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant blue sculpture of Farlamkin in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never write about amino acids.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.