Limxuckmetteen is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, humane swallow.

Limxuckmetteen created the planet Venus nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Limxuckmetteen, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Limxuckmetteen, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Limxuckmetteen's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Limxuckmetteen's Holy Commandments

1. Learn three new languages a year.

2. Never wear corsets.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Tapirs are not to be trusted.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.