Koptaf is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, omnipotent cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Koptaf created humankind two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Koptaf, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Koptaf, she will turn you into a goat.

Koptaf's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Koptaf's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate nematodes.

2. Never jump in the presence of sharks.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Always look after injured ducks.