Joptarxen is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, selfish bee.

Joptarxen created carbon eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Joptarxen, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Joptarxen, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Joptarxen's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Joptarxen's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Do not trade with those who eat strawberries.

4. Worship no other gods but Joptarxen.

5. Erect seven gold sculptures of Joptarxen on top of important buildings.