Sigontkinpark is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, boastful raven.

Sigontkinpark created the planet Saturn three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sigontkinpark, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Sigontkinpark, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Sigontkinpark's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Sigontkinpark's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never run in holy places.

4. Always wear fawn.

5. Never think about archaea.