Jatveentif is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, self-confident wyrm.

Jatveentif created everything that exists eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jatveentif, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Jatveentif, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Jatveentif's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Jatveentif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat cucumbers.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never go into fawn rooms.

5. Learn seven new languages a year.