Yartzagflap is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, witless centipede.

Yartzagflap created the Andromeda Galaxy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartzagflap, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Yartzagflap, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Yartzagflap's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Yartzagflap's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Yartzagflap.

2. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

5. Never jump near mice.