Tettixenbad is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, selfish yak.

Tettixenbad created a bottom quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettixenbad, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tettixenbad, it will turn you into a tree.

Tettixenbad's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Tettixenbad's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat parsnips.

2. Do not wear titanium on your body.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never think about amino acids.

5. Never feed garlic to birds while wearing mauve skirts.