Bestbiflunmotpibfabgattim is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, temperamental wyrm.

Bestbiflunmotpibfabgattim created a bottom quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Bestbiflunmotpibfabgattim, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bestbiflunmotpibfabgattim, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Bestbiflunmotpibfabgattim's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Bestbiflunmotpibfabgattim's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Bestbiflunmotpibfabgattim eight times a day.

2. Never wear jumpers.

3. Erect a large silver sculpture of Bestbiflunmotpibfabgattim on top of all buildings.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not kill doves.