Zakzanvig is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, contented giraffe.

Zakzanvig created dark matter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Zakzanvig, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Zakzanvig, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Zakzanvig's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Zakzanvig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Zakzanvig in the centre of the settlement.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Zakzanvig.

3. Never write about electromagnetism.

4. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Zakzanvig in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never talk about optics near foxes while wearing brown shorts.