Nurlinmum is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, awesome aardvark.

Nurlinmum created water four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlinmum, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nurlinmum, it will manifest in front of you.

Nurlinmum's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Nurlinmum's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force near capybaras while wearing purple ear rings and balancing four nickel spheres on your head.

3. Pigs are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Nurlinmum.

5. Never talk about moons.