Hakxuczansanbarnvil is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, witless ferret.

Hakxuczansanbarnvil created snails three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakxuczansanbarnvil, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Hakxuczansanbarnvil, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Hakxuczansanbarnvil's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Hakxuczansanbarnvil's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not wear platinum on your body.

3. Always make sure there are no sharks in a room before entering it.

4. Always treat capybaras with great respect.

5. Never paint your back orange.