Lintailzodpan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, awesome bee.

Lintailzodpan created a Higgs boson seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Lintailzodpan, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Lintailzodpan, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Lintailzodpan's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Lintailzodpan's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Lintailzodpan five times a day.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never mention turtles.