Fagflabflansak is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, annoying snail.

Fagflabflansak created a quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fagflabflansak, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Fagflabflansak, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Fagflabflansak's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Fagflabflansak's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about nucleic acids.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Learn four new languages a year.

4. Never write about electromagnetism.

5. Worship no other gods but Fagflabflansak.