Wapfutcin is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, unthinking hedgehog.

Wapfutcin created a bottom quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Wapfutcin, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Wapfutcin, he will turn you into a dog.

Wapfutcin's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Wapfutcin's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. You must love Wapfutcin.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not hurt porpoises.