Gupkapgut Rannarpig is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, prudent dugong.

Gupkapgut Rannarpig created snails eight million years ago.

If you believe in Gupkapgut Rannarpig, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gupkapgut Rannarpig, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gupkapgut Rannarpig's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Gupkapgut Rannarpig's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in holy places.

2. Learn six new languages a year.

3. Do not shave your back.

4. Never think about optics.

5. Always take life seriously.