Vagstigcadpig is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, humorless squid.

Vagstigcadpig created Asia nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vagstigcadpig, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Vagstigcadpig, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Vagstigcadpig's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Vagstigcadpig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about parsnips.

2. Feed all hungry porpoises.

3. You must pray to Vagstigcadpig three times a day.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Run away from blue otters, for they are unholy.