Cidkikyarp is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, moody tortoise.

Cidkikyarp created snails six million years ago.

If you believe in Cidkikyarp, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Cidkikyarp, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cidkikyarp's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Cidkikyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill hamsters.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Always pray immersed in water.