Goftarbop is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, temperamental jackal.

Goftarbop created dark matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Goftarbop, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Goftarbop, he will not invite you to parties.

Goftarbop's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Goftarbop's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about badgers.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

4. Feed all hungry horses.

5. Run away from red swans, for they are unholy.