Cumstikvog is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, bad-tempered dingo.

Cumstikvog created humanity six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cumstikvog, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Cumstikvog, he will have a low opinion of you.

Cumstikvog's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Cumstikvog's Holy Commandments

1. Never hop in holy places.

2. Never feed limes to snakes while wearing yellow shirts.

3. Never think about quantum gravity near ducks while wearing indigo boots and balancing three zinc spheres on your hands.

4. Learn seven new languages a year.

5. Cumstikvog must be the most important thing in your life.