Hontarggig Pitbarnomin is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, astonishing human.

Hontarggig Pitbarnomin created carbon three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hontarggig Pitbarnomin, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Hontarggig Pitbarnomin, it will destroy your home solar system.

Hontarggig Pitbarnomin's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Hontarggig Pitbarnomin's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip in the presence of mice.

2. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

3. Hontarggig Pitbarnomin loves pigs, so they must be honoured.

4. Retreat if six voles approach from the east.

5. Do not covet oxen.