Flathotzim is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, selfish crocodile.

Flathotzim created oxygen eight million years ago.

If you believe in Flathotzim, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Flathotzim, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Flathotzim's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Flathotzim's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no swans in a room before entering it.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Erect a giant gray sculpture of Flathotzim in the centre of the settlement.