Cubtampas is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, witless aardvark.

Cubtampas created Africa eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cubtampas, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Cubtampas, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Cubtampas' most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Cubtampas' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum field theory.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Feed all hungry manatees.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Erect a large lead sculpture of Cubtampas on top of all buildings.